Life is a journey and this journey can not be completed alone. You need to have someone else in it; someone who is apt for you, who completes your identity. Someone to fall in love with, someone to share your sorrow and happiness… and once you find that right person you will live happily thereafter… with Love, Sex, and DELUSION.
Over-romanticising the concept of companionship is the favorite mistress of writers, the idyllic muse of indulgence which talks about young hearts and their brave and rebellious love winning over the odds around them, the victory worth celebrating. The illusionary idealism of lovers winning against every odds to establish themselves as a unit and then they attain an orgasmic level of self-fulfillment. At the risk of sounding wannabe maverick, I would beg to differ! I am a firm believer of the individuality and a firmer believer of self-actualization and self-reliance.
The lust of physical intimacy and the fear of solitude compels you to go and get the one who will fill the imaginary ‘vacuum’ of your life and then as a unit, with your partner, you enter into a small utopian niche of your own. The fragile world of emotional co-dependency at the costs of individuality. The tempting comfort of warmth gives a delusion of lifelong codependency which mostly evaporates when the usual course of life heats up. The ‘unit’, living in an utopian niche, has to take a decision now. The decision in order to feed the monster of the moment; one part of the unit has to enter into a vicious circle of submissiveness. The ship and the shore have to be anchored and that anchorage costs self-identity of a part of the unit, as the basic foundation of the unit was ‘completing’ each other.
Often people take a journey of self-discovery after heartbreaks when the ship breaks the anchorage and leaves for another shore. I have seen people hunting for their identity, discovering their true selves only after their story of intimacy and love fades away. I am not some preacher of solitary but a believer of self-actualisation. People are utterly confused with their emotional and physical needs. The need for sex masks as love and the hormones trick you till the time the need gets diluted or evaporated; both of you as a ‘complete’ unit suffer from ‘emotional malnutrition’ making you realize that it’s too much to merge your identity with someone else in return for the physical pleasure.
The epic love stories having a potential of giving us an exemplary tale of sacrifice and commitment takes the usual course of fall because the rock bottom of their relationship is filling the vacuum of each other. The philosophy of needing someone else to complete oneself is for illusionists. A human is complete in itself with its ideologies shaping up from self-actualization, realization, and dissent. One should never love someone to complete oneself, rather one should accomplish oneself and then love someone. A half soul can never nourish another half soul. It’s you who have to fight your own war and if you expect someone else to fight it for you then you have entered into the illusionary utopian niche. Never, yes, never fall for anyone to ameliorate your life; love and companionship are not some recourse to miseries of your life.
Am I attempting to rule out the basic foundation of human civilization – companionship? No! The solution is to be firm, to set the record of your calling straight, to discover yourself and then look for someone who understands your world and calling. Don’t look for any aid or escape rather fall for someone who respects your identity and understands your actualisation. Companionship should never result in a single unit, rather it should aim to have a perfect synchronization between two separate individuals.
Be yourself, hustle, talk fast, brew the conversation the way you want and let others do the same thing. Advice but never direct, talk but never order, love but never control. Make your companion part of your life but never a sole purpose of your existence; you are multidimensional, much more than someone’s lover or a subject of someone’s lust. Love rationally, yes it sounds it sounds paradoxical but that’s the best way to balance it out. Never trade yourself to be a part of anyone else’s world. It is very important, to be honest in your relationship, but it is equally important to respect your calling first…